There was the left side of the equation and on the other following an equal sign it seemed like a whole different problem. But it wasn't really. It was working out what that equal sign really meant. It wasn't until I was a teacher myself, having the sweats because I now had to teach others what I was scared to admit that I still really didn't understand myself, that I had to finally confront this problem.
Confession I somehow made it through high school (with a regents diploma) and three college degrees and still didn't really get fractions or equations. I am so sorry Mrs. Wilson, Mr. Shepardson, Mr. Larmouth, Marv Bunch, Professor Hoover, Joann, and anyone else I missed. It truly wasn't your fault.
It wasn't until I looked at the teacher's manual for third grade math that something clicked. I suddenly got it. The blinders fell off and the information that I thought I knew, or didn't, or couldn't, slid into place and sitting in my little classroom I suddenly wasn't the student that I had always been. I now understood how equations worked and I then was able to go and share that with my students. I was a bit wobbly at first, but then my confidence grew. One side of the equals sign mattered to the other and vice versa.
Why do I share this? Well lately I have begun to see Jesus in the equation of my life. As a believer you would think this would be obvious. I wish that were so much more true in my life. I sit here now breathing a little faster, the sweats starting just like in my little classroom, and I open the Teacher's Manual, and then I share with those around me.
I have made it through thirteen years as a Christian without completely understanding the equation that I am living. The equals sign has me confused just like in my classes so long ago. What I do know: I am a sinner, Jesus is who He says He is. He died for my sins on the cross at Calvary so long ago and rose again on the third day. But this is kind of where I have hung out for over a decade. Because I wasn't sure what to do next.
This is a scary thing to admit. For some it will be a surprise because I put the other classes I took in school (acting) to good use. At first it was OK to admit I knew nothing because I had just gotten saved. Then once I had been saved "long enough" I would try to gauge how far along in my walk I should be. For others- they may have seen through this and are thinking I wasn't fooling anybody. I tried to play a role and not every performance is a standing ovation.
Should I have pretended? No. Was it always acting? No. Sometimes I was just confused and convinced that I just couldn't figure out how to get to the other side of the equals sign. I think I am learning. Finally. After making it through as a Sunday school teacher, Children's Church Coordinator, Christian Educator, Pastor's Wife all while secretly feeling like this...I think I can say I am getting it. I am a bit wobbly just like those first few lessons in my classroom. But God is so good.
Colossians 3:5- 17 "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth; fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. But now you yourselves are to put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all in all.
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindess, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
So if you are still reading then I would like to share what I have learned. On the left side of the equation is where I have struggled. I know that I haven't done what this is saying. I haven't put to death my members which are here on earth. (This is not in reference to those who attend my church so don't be afraid to attend.) This is where the curtain comes down. Laid bare the confession that I am as much a baby Christian as those that I have had the wonderful amazing gift of leading to the Lord. I haven't done this because I have never really understood how. Just like with equations I have had wonderful teachers but like other places in my life I have sometimes acted stupidly and not tried to understand. But I also confess that even when I have tried it just hasn't clicked. And you know what I am learning- that is OK. You know what isn't? Continuing to remain here. I am not stupid and I can continue to strive to understand what it means to balance this equation, to grow in Christ. I must open the Bible, the Teacher's Manual and be willing to learn so that I might teach, grow,and understand my Lord more deeply.
I have committed each of the things listed on the left side of the equation. Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, and filthy language out of my mouth.
How can that possibly be balanced in my life? How can I possibly make this equation work out? What do I do with the times that I have willfully done these things since I knew Christ? What do I do with the fact that I even did some of these today?
It comes to the middle of the problem. The equal sign. Jesus. He is what makes it possible for the mess on the left to balance out on the right. Somehow He changes the mess that I make of my life through His grace and makes it possible for me put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, able to bear with others and forgive them when I have a complaint against them because He has forgiven me. I can put on love, His love, and therefore love others. I can have peace and be thankful. I can be taught, admonished, dwell with Him and rejoice with the Body.
May this blog reflect Him with the pearls to be found in His Book. To share how He cleans my life and how I live that out. May you do the same. This is my prayer. I always had problems with math and science. But I can learn. I don't always understand what my life should be like in Jesus, but I can learn.
Happy Son-day! Enjoy His grace and rejoice in Him!
