I always had problems with math and science...grace.

I have always had problems with math and science. It wasn't that I was stupid. And it wasn't that I wasn't trying. (Confession- sometimes I was acting stupidly and not trying.) I just couldn't seem to understand what the teacher was trying to teach me. Especially when it came to equations. I didn't understand the whole balancing thing, why was the alphabet now mingling with my numbers, and then I hit chemistry. Now the elements wanted in on the act! My head hurts just thinking about it.

There was the left side of the equation and on the other following an equal sign it seemed like a whole different problem. But it wasn't really. It was working out what that equal sign really meant. It wasn't until I was a teacher myself, having the sweats because I now had to teach others what I was scared to admit that I still really didn't understand myself, that I had to finally confront this problem. 

Confession I somehow made it through high school (with a regents diploma) and three college degrees and still didn't really get fractions or equations. I am so sorry Mrs. Wilson, Mr. Shepardson, Mr. Larmouth, Marv Bunch, Professor Hoover, Joann, and anyone else I missed. It truly wasn't your fault. 

It wasn't until I looked at the teacher's manual for third grade math that something clicked. I suddenly got it. The blinders fell off and the information that I thought I knew, or didn't, or couldn't, slid into place and sitting in my little classroom I suddenly wasn't the student that I had always been. I now understood how equations worked and I then was able to go and share that with my students. I was a bit wobbly at first, but then my confidence grew. One side of the equals sign mattered to the other and vice versa. 

Why do I share this? Well lately I have begun to see Jesus in the equation of my life. As a believer you would think this would be obvious. I wish that were so much more true in my life. I sit here now breathing a little faster, the sweats starting just like in my little classroom, and I open the Teacher's Manual, and then I share with those around me. 

I have made it through thirteen years as a Christian without completely understanding the equation that I am living. The equals sign has me confused just like in my classes so long ago. What I do know: I am a sinner, Jesus is who He says He is. He died for my sins on the cross at Calvary so long ago and rose again on the third day. But this is kind of where I have hung out for over a decade. Because I wasn't sure what to do next. 

This is a scary thing to admit. For some it will be a surprise because I put the other classes I took in school (acting) to good use. At first it was OK to admit I knew nothing because I had just gotten saved. Then once I had been saved "long enough" I would try to gauge how far along in my walk I should be. For others- they may have seen through this and are thinking I wasn't fooling anybody. I tried to play a role and not every performance is a standing ovation. 

Should I have pretended? No. Was it always acting? No. Sometimes I was just confused and convinced that I just couldn't figure out how to get to the other side of the equals sign. I think I am learning. Finally. After making it through as a Sunday school teacher, Children's Church Coordinator, Christian Educator, Pastor's Wife all while secretly feeling like this...I think I can say I am getting it. I am a bit wobbly just like those first few lessons in my classroom. But God is so good. 

Colossians 3:5- 17 "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth; fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. But now you yourselves are to put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all in all. 

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindess, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. 

So if you are still reading then I would like to share what I have learned. On the left side of the equation is where I have struggled. I know that I haven't done what this is saying. I haven't put to death my members which are here on earth. (This is not in reference to those who attend my church so don't be afraid to attend.) This is where the curtain comes down. Laid bare the confession that I am as much a baby Christian as those that I have had the wonderful amazing gift of leading to the Lord. I haven't done this because I have never really understood how. Just like with equations I have had wonderful teachers but like other places in my life I have sometimes acted stupidly and not tried to understand. But I also confess that even when I have tried it just hasn't clicked. And you know what I am learning- that is OK. You know what isn't? Continuing to remain here. I am not stupid and I can continue to strive to understand what it means to balance this equation, to grow in Christ. I must open the Bible, the Teacher's Manual and be willing to learn so that I might teach, grow,and understand my Lord more deeply. 

I have committed each of the things listed on the left side of the equation. Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, and filthy language out of my mouth. 

How can that possibly be balanced in my life? How can I possibly make this equation work out? What do I do with the times that I have willfully done these things since I knew Christ? What do I do with the fact that I even did some of these today? 

It comes to the middle of the problem. The equal sign. Jesus. He is what makes it possible for the mess on the left to balance out on the right. Somehow He changes the mess that I make of my life through His grace and makes it possible for me put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, able to bear with others and forgive them when I have a complaint against them because He has forgiven me. I can put on love, His love, and therefore love others. I can have peace and be thankful. I can be taught, admonished, dwell with Him and rejoice with the Body. 

May this blog reflect Him with the pearls to be found in His Book. To share how He cleans my life and how I live that out. May you do the same. This is my prayer. I always had problems with math and science. But I can learn. I don't always understand what my life should be like in Jesus, but I can learn. 

Happy Son-day! Enjoy His grace and rejoice in Him!

Consistency

So here's a little story for you. My dear husband came home one day from work and was very excited to tell me about something he had recently heard on a podcast. It was all about One Word That Could Change Your Life. There was a very cool story about a pastor and another person (truth be told, I am not the best listener and I am a little hazy on the details). If I have the detail right one of them challenged the other to define his year by one word. On the surface this is an easy enough task, but then when you try to do it, well, that gets a little trickier. Do you define it by the sorrows of the year? How about the triumphs? The in-between? And remember you only get one word. Not a page, not a paragraph, not even a sentence...just one single word. 

I am sure that I responded in a way like this, "That's interesting." But as time went on I began to ponder the idea. As the new year was drawing near, and 2013 was thankfully drawing to a close, how would I want to view my new year? What laser like focus would I desire it to have? I prayed about it and asked the LORD to help give me guidance- what did He will for me this year? One word (get it...Heehee) kept coming to mind. Consistency. 

I really am the queen of the new idea. I love brand new shiny plans and I love the feel of the new organizers. I love thinking about how it will go and what I will do...until day 2. Why you ask? Because day one didn't go as perfectly as I had planned or day two got off to a rough start and I couldn't finish it as I desired so my time of planning is wasted on another failed (in my mind) dream and set aside for the brand new shiny dream that is just waiting to take its place. 

This has led to a growing amount of disorder in my life, frustration in my marriage, and a growing waistline, because the plans apply to diets too- don't you know?

So what is the point I am trying to make...one word for the whole year. Everything I plan, everything I do, everything I dream and work towards filtered through this one word...consistency. This year will be less about the start and more about the journey in between. Do I work at it even once the shine has come off of the plan? The pages are bent on the organizer- do I continue? Today nothing worked out as I had planned- do I throw my hands up and walk away or do I do what I can? 

Consistency leads to progress and progress doesn't have to be perfect to make an impact in my life. 

Today wasn't shiny like my sink was last night. Today wasn't exhilarating or fun. But there was progress made. I was consistent for the first time in a long while. And that my friends was good enough for me...at least for now. Tomorrow is a new day...and new- well you all know how I feel about that. 

Love- Andrea

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Leave It To Beaver, a Sink Full of Dishes, and a Hopeful Heart.

This blog has been a long time in coming. I confess I am having a difficult time putting fingertips to keyboard and turning what comes out into something worth keeping. But this blog is all about progress. Imperfect, messy, some days almost non-existent, but still hoped for, progress.

So where does Leave It to Beaver come into this? Funny story that. My husband and I have Netflix and one day while I was suffering from the monster of perfection and moved to inaction, I stumbled upon Leave It to Beaver. And in a mood to punish myself or feeling nostalgic, I am not certain which one it was, I hit play. While watching the show I longed to be more like June Cleaver. She was well dressed. Her house was clean and inviting. Her boys were trouble makers, but of the innocent kind. I kept looking at her wardrobe. Especially the pearls. She seemed to always have them on. Even when dealing with the daily grind sort of tasks.

Want me to let you in on a little secret? How about two? While watching this domestic bliss, I was still in my PJs, in the middle of the afternoon, surrounded by the mess of my own making. The second secret...June wasn't perfect either- or rather her real life counterpart wasn't. Barbara Billingsley, the actress that played June Cleaver, had a "hollow" on her neck. So according to legend, she suggested the pearls to help distract from this imperfection. I love how one of the most iconic images of the "homemaker ideal" was created to hide a imperfection.

I don't know why this little story hit me so hard. But the idea kept rolling around in my head. Cleaning with pearls on. It seems silly or idealistic, but there was something in it that I longed for at the same time. The feeling that my "job" was worth dressing up for. Treating what I do as valuable...or rather what I was supposed to be doing.

Here comes the second portion of the story. I had come home recently to be a full time homemaker. A role that instantly makes some people scoff or their blood starts to boil. Others say, "Good for you." I, myself, wanted to love it. In fact I had asked my husband if I could come home. But found once I got here that I struggled to find my footing.

I have perfectionist tendencies...OK I have them beyond tendencies. So much so that I created this blog months ago, but then found that I didn't have the perfect first post. So it sat empty. And my house became fuller...of stuff, trash, disorder. I love the FlyLady. If you talk to me for a bit I am sure that I will share my desire to do as she says. Google her if you have never heard of her. She's fun. Now she has a program to help you get your house in order. But I would do it full speed and then poop out. That is me. 0 to 60 and then quickly returning to 0. So here is my dirty little secret...perhaps it's better if I show you...

Now imagine that everywhere. June Cleaver would cry...or maybe not. Because I had long thought of those pearls as perfection, but remember what we have learned- this was not so. Maybe June would have said, with a smile, "We all have faults. We all have strengths. Put your pearls on and get to work."

My last point for the evening. I love, love, love the New Year. I love fresh starts. I love new beginnings. I usually am good at them. It's the sticking it out to the end that I am working on. But tonight as I type this imperfect first blog post  I have a hopeful heart. I didn't wear pearls today, but I did get up, spent time with the LORD, repented of most of last year, and (are you ready for this?!) did something that June, FlyLady, and for the first time in a long time, I, am really pleased with...and here it is...

I invite you to join me this year as I work at Cleaning with Pearls On.

-Andrea

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